Samara the Heartless is going to be my first e-novel. I will post a new page each day (unless something comes up). The story is loosely based on a dream i once had of a girl having her heart removed when going in for surgery. In the story, however, the girl, 15-year-old Samara still lives. Hope you enjoy!
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Chapter One: Personal Demons
All day, nothing but questions. From Tam. From Liz. Even my teachers, wondering why. Samara, why? Why is the Earth round? Why do birds fly? Why is the sky blue? Okay, so maybe the questions weren't that dumb, but still, I'm sick of being questioned about the Big Thing. The Big Thing which I prefer not be mentioned. The Big Thing that could kill me. Or save my life. I swear, the next person who so much as mentions the Big Thing will get a very blunt big thing upside their head.
Although I hate the mere mention of it, i feel that if i don't tell you what it is, you will find some heinous, cruel way to drag it out of me, so here goes: the Big Thing is that, this Friday, i get to go to the hospital, be sliced right open, and hopefully get a large, disgusting tumor yanked out of my heart. Oh, joyous day! It might just kill me, but why don't we all go and have some tea and cakes for the occasion? Oh, this shall be a marvelous day! One for the ages! One to celebrate! If you couldn't tell, i was being sarcastic there. Truth is, I'm scared crapless. There is no way to predict whether or not I’ll make it. What if the doctors mess up? Cut a little too far in one direction? Cut off the connection between my heart and the rest of my body? Dear god, why me? Why now? Is this some sign from the great beyond (I don’t believe in God and whatnot) that my life isn’t worth the wasted resources? That I might as well go today? SHUT UP!
Mother always said that she believed there were two of me in one body, one often overtaking the other, entrapping it, holding it hostage. One side, the one I favor, is fearless, strong, not malleable in any way. The other, however, is afraid of everything in her path. Usually, she’s hidden in some dark recess of my mind, afraid of my other, meaner half. But lately, she’s made herself more and more present. Sometimes she makes my body shut down entirely. Stresses me out to the point of total collapse. I contemplate whether or not she will kill me before the surgery even has a fighting chance. Lately, she’s become the dominance in my mind. In my body. In me. My own worst enemy.
***
“Okay, so why exactly do you need this dumb surgery again?” Tam seems to have the shortest memory in the world sometime, because she’s asked me this forty-seven times in the past two weeks. Either that, or she seriously needs help with her conversation starters.
“I’ve told you this dozens of times already, Tam. The x-rays a few weeks ago found a tumor in my heart.”
“Can’t you just take some meds for it or something?” She is such a Buffy. I love her anyway. Have to, our mothers are inseparable, so we are forced to spend our every breathing moment together.
“If I could, don’t you think I would?” I would eat my own hair if it would get rid of my tumor. But, seeing as eating hair can cause it to build up in your stomach and kill you, and it won’t remove my tumor, I will refrain from doing so. “Can we change the topic to, oh, perhaps something pleasant?”
There is an elongated pause before Tam finally speaks again, which is rather odd, seeing as she usually talks so much, I expect her jaw to completely remove itself from her body any day now. “Well, I can’t think of anything pleasant, so why don’t I just drive on over, pick you up, and have us go window shopping?’
“Three problems with that. One, your parents aren’t home. Two, your sister Liz isn’t home. And three, you have no license.”
“Ohmygod! I forgot to tell you! I just got mine today!” I can vaguely hear her do her little Happy Dance in the in the background.
“Cool! Swing by in an hour, so I can get my homework done.” Let’s hope I live to turn it in.
Chapter Two: The Mere Thought of it All
When Tam pulled into my driveway a little over an hour later, the sun had already begun to sink deep below the horizon, pure darkness blanketed the moon and stars, and it seemed almost as if they were trying, but just couldn’t make it, to spy on the world below. To see into our private lives, like a swarm of silent paparazzi, their thirst for some juicy gossip far from being quenched.
The mere thought causes me to quickly pull my hood down over my eyes, leaving a gap of vision just large enough for me to look warily around, making sure no one lay in my wake. I prefer the spotlight be on someone else tonight. Someone like Tam. Beautiful, makeup-clad Tam. Rich, carefree, wild child Tam. She arrived ten minutes late – in her shiny, brand-spankin’-new Beemer – but I didn’t mind. Tam never was the kind of person who remembered much. Heck, it’s a blessing she hasn’t forgotten her own middle name. But I have I feeling she will some day. Possibly some day very, very soon.
“Hello, world! Wait, Sam, you forgot the spotlight. Well, you’ll just have to march your little tush inside and find, so we can do my entrance again.” We both doubled over, laughing. Even, though only for the moment, forgetting about the tumor. The possibly life-threatening surgery looming ahead. Our world just seemed to assume the form of a giant happy cloud of love, laughter, and peace. The moment passed too quickly, like a life ended short. Only, it would have no funeral, no respects paid, no tears shed for it. No remembrance from anyone but me.
***
All through our “retail therapy”, I tried desperately to seem happy, upbeat, but Tam found me out. “Okay, talk.” She blurts, surprising me, on the ride home.
“Huh?”
“Don’t play ditz on me. You know what I’m talking about. Usually, duct tape won’t even keep your mouth shut on our little shopping trips, but today, you’re silent as a tomb stone.” God, have I always been this transparent?
It takes me a while to find a good way to piece my words together. It takes even longer to work up the courage to say them. And even longer to make my lips and vocal chords cooperate. “It’s just…I want to have fun, but…I was, until…I…I realized that this may well be…our last shopping trip…ever.” By now, my ratty old hoodie is soaked, clear through, with tears. “I’m just scared.”
“Well, look at it this way: if you die from this operation, so will I.”
“Why?” Please tell me this doesn’t mean she’ll commit suicide if I die.
“Because I will personally hunt down and kill each and every doctor who worked on you and caused you to die. Then I will confess to the police and be given the death sentence.” I giggle-sob, glad the topic has been lightened. “We’re not friends, we’re sisters, and you gotta avenge your sister’s death, don’cha?”
“Always and forever.”
“Well, unless, of course, you catch her smoochin’ your man. Then you get to be the one to bring her down.” What would I do without my best bud Tam in my life?
We pull into my driveway a little after eleven o’clock. We say our good-nights and I prance up the stairs to get ready of bed. I almost make it there before being bombarded with questions from mom. “Where on Earth have you been? You promised to be home before nine! Why didn’t you call? It’s a school night! Do you know how worried you had your father and me?” Parents are so overdramatic.
I think up my best lie possible “We had car trouble and my phone was dead. Tam thinks she forgot hers in some store. I’m sorry.”
“Just go on up to bed, and we can discuss this in the morning.” That was it for the night.
